What is the cost?

In week 5 of DG, we talked about the cost of being a disciple. Luke 9:23 says, And he said to all, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." (This is actually my theme verse for this blog).

Following Jesus takes sacrifice. The disciples in the Bible lost their families, their jobs, their status and even their lives for following Jesus. But their eternal reward far outweighs their earthly sacrifices.

So what is the cost of following the hubs? Do I also need to deny myself daily to follow the hubs? To put down my pride and follow him? Really? Deny myself? You mean potentially acknowledging that the hubs knows better than me, even though he might not, but to still follow? That's tough.

Previously I blogged that one way I am learning to follow the hubs is to let him teach me to play the guitar better. I was pretty proud of myself that I put down my pride and yielded in that direction, check, done. But of course God continues to humble me.

During one of our guitar lessons, the hubs told me to sing out the song so that I could hear the notes and the beat but I was a little too embarrassed to sing the song out loud. Even though it was just the two of us and the hubs already knows what an awesomely weird singing voice I have. I told him HE should sing it and count the beats for me. But he insisted that I sing and to count the beats with these sounds "bah bah bah dah dah daah". I was like, uh...that's not counting, those aren't numbers, they're not even words. But he kept insisting I do it that way and I kept insisting he do it my way.  I knew I would learn better if he just taught me in the way that I learn best. But we were both stubborn and I called it a night.

That night, lying in bed, I recounted the experience and knew I did not have the right heart and attitude for following and learning from the hubs. While I may not agree with his teaching methods, it doesn't mean I can't learn from it. I didn't even give it a chance. My pride got in the way and insisted on doing things MY WAY. That's not following. That's just saying ok, you can have the position of leader but this is how you should lead and this is what you should say.  I'll let you think you're leading but really, I'm the one in control.

To follow Christ means to deny myself. To follow the hubs means I need to deny myself too. Obviously, I will not follow the hubs if he is walking away from the Lord but I suppose if he's heading in the general direction of Christ, it shouldn't matter if his steps are a little off, right?

I suppose my way IS better for me to learn but his way is probably better for him to teach. So I'm counting the cost. What is worth more? My stubbornness and pride or the potential to grow to love and appreciate my husband more?

The cost of discipleship...sigh...is anyone good with math?